Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona

最近看了一套活地亞倫的電影。我從八十年代開始就已經是他的Fans，覺得他的電影很有個人的風格，幽默之餘也對人生作出了很多反思。隨着自己的年紀愈長，對他在作品裏面所講的東西感受就更深，也更明白電影中各人物的處境及面對的人生難題。

就以這部Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona為例，電影是一貫活地亞倫的幽默風格，有很多場景都令人會心微笑，(其實他也有一些作品是不搞笑的，好像三年前的Match Point，就是一部頗嚴肅的電影，也頗dark。我認為這是他其中一部最好的作品。我會在另外一篇文章討論這電影。)劇中人物的遭遇、處境、感受、及所提出的問題，也是很多人在人生一些階段都會提出的問題。戲中大概是說Vicky和Cristina两個二十來歲的美國女孩在西班牙巴塞隆拿的暑假，偶然遇上一個西班牙畫家，之後發生一連串浪漫奇情的故事，包括畫家和他大情大性前妻的微妙又激情的關係。

除了鮮明的人物性格、有趣的故事細節、和幽默的對白外，最精采的是Woody提問了很多有關男女關係的問題。為什麼在一段穩妥安全的婚姻中感情會是這樣乏味？相反一段隨意短暫甚至有點不負責任的霧水情緣却又教人心猿意馬回味無窮？人生是祇追求物質生活豐富，還是有另外一些更叫人滿足的東西(例如藝術和心靈)？人應該循規道矩生活，滿足他在安全感方面的需要，還是可以偶爾越追求冒險？已屆七十二高齡的活地亞倫，「性」還是他電影的重要題目。Vicky和Cristina可以看成是兩個不同性格的人，但也可以看成是一個人的兩面性格。在人生中很多看似是理所當然的事情，如果我們敢用另一個角度去看，敢作新嘗試，說不定會發掘出另外一個的「我」。

當然我不是說我完全認同戲中人物的價值觀，我亦不會相信香港會有很多觀眾欣賞或同意活地亞倫的人生觀。不過自已算是在民主多元化社會生活的人，也學懂了agree to disagree 這句至理明言。九十多分鐘的電影，能發問了幾個深層次的兩性關係問題，誘發出埋藏在心底的一些思緒，加上連綿不絕的笑話，還可以要求什麼？

Women and men

Stephen Hawking, the famous astrophysicist who wrote the best-seller “A Brief History of Time” and developed concepts like “big bang” and “black hole”, was asked the question what his ambitions were, while attending a dinner in Hong Kong in 2006. He said he wanted to know how the universe began, what happens inside black holes and how can humans survive the next 100 years.

And he added one more great ambition. “I would also like to understand women.”


A well-known psychiatrist once wrote in his book, “Men do not understand women, and they know it. Women do not understand men, and they don’t know it.”
It’s fun to have two different genders in this world. They have something in common, yet enough discrepancies to make some of them think, “Wouldn’t this earth be a nicer place if there are only us living here.”

Enough has been written about the battle between the two sexes. What I want to write is just some of my own experience plus a little personal thought.

I once had a female friend who told the three or four guys of us to open up. “If you are stressful, and not happy, just open up and share your feeling with your girl friend, wife or friends. You will feel much better.” I did not counter with any comments. But deep down I felt sorry for her (and more for her hubby). The way a man deals with stress is through inactivity, idling, and having lots of personal space. Gradually his feeling may eventually turn positive through some personal reflection and internal transformation. There is no point pushing a guy to open up if you see him stressful and unhappy.

This basically explains a lot of fights at home. Women push their men to speak out, whereas men try to retreat to a quiet place. In today’s world this personal place is the computer, the Internet, the TV, or sports. Don’t you notice most men like TV surfing. They are not really watching TV. They just want to relax through constantly tapping on that remote control!

Having said that, I have to admit I’m one of those men who don’t understand women. Why do they like shopping so much? Why do they all want to be a goddess to be worshipped by men, and probably by other women too? (That’s why they are willing to spend thousands of dollars on makeup, clothes, body shaping and so on to perfect themselves.) Why do they get hurt so easily? (They always say my feeling is hurt for no reason at all.) Why are they always worried about you trying to build a romantic relationship with them, while what you really want is a couple more good friends?

Women, men,the universe…

What is Friendship?

As expected, it took me quite a while to finish the last blog. My fingers were also sore after writing just 500 words. So today I switch to English.

While I was swimming this morning, a thought suddenly occurred to me. (That’s my habit. I dream when I am swimming, or driving!! Sounds a bit dangerous, right?)

The question is “What is friendship?”


There are at least four levels of friendship, or maybe more.

Business Friends – They get together because of business or personal interests. As soon as business interest disappears, the friendship will be gone like leaves blown away by gusty wind.

Friends – They share common interests and enjoy getting together, usually in a bigger group. Topics of their discussion stay at a ‘friendly’ level such as business, career, and living. Souls searching topics, personal issues, or other things at a deeper level may sometimes be shared, but not really getting through. In the end they stopped and are happy to stay as friends.

Best Friends – Their trust and understanding of each other is beyond the level of friends. In their conversation they touch on deeper topics – family, relationship, world view and even spiritual. They have a deep knowledge of each other. They always try to find ways to please each other, and want only happiness for the other party. They are soul mates. They are usually of the same gender, but occasionally between different genders.

Romantic Friends – Their relationship is of romantic nature. I think there is no need for me to elaborate.

They are like a pyramid. One usually has lot of business friends, some friends, very few best friends, and one or two romantic friends.

The above is analysis, the work of my head. Unfortunately it’s more art than science to manage friendship in real life. If friendship is an art I don’t think I’m a good artist. This is especially tricky between different genders. Looking back over the years, I’ve made lots of mistakes – some light, some serious. The safest bet is to withdraw, limiting all your friends to the lowest level (i.e. business friends). You will never get hurt this way. However if you see friendship as an adventure, you will also lose a lot of opportunities to build up meaningful friendship which brings your joy, happiness, and contentment.

Stand back or venture out? It’s your choice.

堅城小子開鑼喇!

今日終於開始寫blog。雖然很久以前已經想將心中的一些感受和想法寫下來，也早早的把這個blog名佔據，但一直沒有衝動寫下第一篇文章。當然自己有很多理由，例如太忙(這肯定是一個籍口)，舉棋不定用什麽語言，沒有靈感等。

語言可真是一個重大考慮。原來是想用簡體中文，主要是潛在讀者會很多(十多億人呀!)繁體中文也可以，但中文的麻煩是輸入。我的中文輸入法很不濟，一定要用手寫版，即是說要很費力量用很多時間才能完成一篇文章。也想過用英文。這對我來說是最容易也最自然的，我的英文也可能比中文流暢。但讀者群就有所局限了。所以最後還是決定用香港話吧，即一半中文一半英文。 靈感可還是有的，每曰所見所聽的，都引動心中的一些思緒，也好像有很多意見想發表(可能代表我年紀巳進入一個階段)。只是沒有那股勁把它們捉住、整理和發表。

那為什麽現在會開始呢？可能最近看了很多blog，有一些討論社會事務、金融問題。也有一些談論比較輕鬆的話題如足球、娛樂、飲食等。還有一些是很私人的，把自己的情感、工作感受、甚或私人恩怨都寫下來。看後不期然有一種衝動，不如馬上開始寫吧，寫得好或不好是不要緊的，最重要是幾年後可以檢閱一下自己的心路歷程。也不讓每天心中的一點一滴溜走。

堅城小子來了!