Women and men

Stephen Hawking, the famous astrophysicist who wrote the best-seller “A Brief History of Time” and developed concepts like “big bang” and “black hole”, was asked the question what his ambitions were, while attending a dinner in Hong Kong in 2006. He said he wanted to know how the universe began, what happens inside black holes and how can humans survive the next 100 years.

And he added one more great ambition. “I would also like to understand women.”


A well-known psychiatrist once wrote in his book, “Men do not understand women, and they know it. Women do not understand men, and they don’t know it.”
It’s fun to have two different genders in this world. They have something in common, yet enough discrepancies to make some of them think, “Wouldn’t this earth be a nicer place if there are only us living here.”

Enough has been written about the battle between the two sexes. What I want to write is just some of my own experience plus a little personal thought.

I once had a female friend who told the three or four guys of us to open up. “If you are stressful, and not happy, just open up and share your feeling with your girl friend, wife or friends. You will feel much better.” I did not counter with any comments. But deep down I felt sorry for her (and more for her hubby). The way a man deals with stress is through inactivity, idling, and having lots of personal space. Gradually his feeling may eventually turn positive through some personal reflection and internal transformation. There is no point pushing a guy to open up if you see him stressful and unhappy.

This basically explains a lot of fights at home. Women push their men to speak out, whereas men try to retreat to a quiet place. In today’s world this personal place is the computer, the Internet, the TV, or sports. Don’t you notice most men like TV surfing. They are not really watching TV. They just want to relax through constantly tapping on that remote control!

Having said that, I have to admit I’m one of those men who don’t understand women. Why do they like shopping so much? Why do they all want to be a goddess to be worshipped by men, and probably by other women too? (That’s why they are willing to spend thousands of dollars on makeup, clothes, body shaping and so on to perfect themselves.) Why do they get hurt so easily? (They always say my feeling is hurt for no reason at all.) Why are they always worried about you trying to build a romantic relationship with them, while what you really want is a couple more good friends?

Women, men,the universe…

What is Friendship?

As expected, it took me quite a while to finish the last blog. My fingers were also sore after writing just 500 words. So today I switch to English.

While I was swimming this morning, a thought suddenly occurred to me. (That’s my habit. I dream when I am swimming, or driving!! Sounds a bit dangerous, right?)

The question is “What is friendship?”


There are at least four levels of friendship, or maybe more.

Business Friends – They get together because of business or personal interests. As soon as business interest disappears, the friendship will be gone like leaves blown away by gusty wind.

Friends – They share common interests and enjoy getting together, usually in a bigger group. Topics of their discussion stay at a ‘friendly’ level such as business, career, and living. Souls searching topics, personal issues, or other things at a deeper level may sometimes be shared, but not really getting through. In the end they stopped and are happy to stay as friends.

Best Friends – Their trust and understanding of each other is beyond the level of friends. In their conversation they touch on deeper topics – family, relationship, world view and even spiritual. They have a deep knowledge of each other. They always try to find ways to please each other, and want only happiness for the other party. They are soul mates. They are usually of the same gender, but occasionally between different genders.

Romantic Friends – Their relationship is of romantic nature. I think there is no need for me to elaborate.

They are like a pyramid. One usually has lot of business friends, some friends, very few best friends, and one or two romantic friends.

The above is analysis, the work of my head. Unfortunately it’s more art than science to manage friendship in real life. If friendship is an art I don’t think I’m a good artist. This is especially tricky between different genders. Looking back over the years, I’ve made lots of mistakes – some light, some serious. The safest bet is to withdraw, limiting all your friends to the lowest level (i.e. business friends). You will never get hurt this way. However if you see friendship as an adventure, you will also lose a lot of opportunities to build up meaningful friendship which brings your joy, happiness, and contentment.

Stand back or venture out? It’s your choice.